"I was trapped in a black-and-white world, now I won’t apologize for my creative freedom."

I won’t apologize, not for my creativity, not for my path, and not for the "failures" that others have tried to label me with. For years, I was trapped in a black-and-white world, a world that gave me no space to breathe. I grew up in an ultra-Orthodox home, an upbringing that shattered everything I truly am – because I was different. I was a child who wasn’t given space to exist. I was a child with colorful dreams in a gray world, where everything that was "me" was forbidden, hidden, and not legitimate.

I had a crazy talent – doodles on every notebook, every desk, anywhere I could escape this world. Doodles like "I’m so bored" and "I don’t want to be here." Every doodle was a small rebellion, and every imagination of mine was an internal escape. I was a child who came from a home that didn’t see me, not truly. Why? Because I didn’t have the right to true creativity. There was no space for that. Not in the ultra-Orthodox education system, not in a home where life was so limited, not in a school where I was always on the outside, where I didn’t fit in, where I didn’t meet the expectations that were set for me. And it suffocated me. Instead of encouraging me to let my dreams out – they choked me. The teachers, the environment, they all spoke to me as if I didn’t exist.

I’m not just not apologizing for my creativity, I’m not apologizing for everything I’ve been through! I became the image of the “good girl” – someone who obeyed and hid everything she really was. I don’t care if you don’t understand me, I don’t care if you don’t understand my art. If you don’t understand my path – it’s probably none of your business. I won’t go back, I won’t deny everything I am, everything I’ve been through, and everything I’ve earned.

The ultra-Orthodox world was a creative prison – it choked me, held me, embraced me in a narrow view that left no room for colors. And after years of suppression, I found my freedom, I found my creativity. When I chose to raise my children in a free homeschooling environment, they were the first step in my journey to expose my creativity. So, I won’t apologize for what I’ve done, for the choices I’ve made, for every step I take. My freedom is not up for debate.

There was a moment I’ll never forget – the moment when everything truly changed. I had a dream, a dream about a painting with circles that repeated every night for several nights in a row. With the support of a friend, I bought canvases and paints, and paintings with circles began to emerge. I was at the beach, praying to God for my path to be successful, and then the unbelievable happened. A surf instructor came out of the water with a large wooden board painted with circles. Exactly like the paintings I was making! The circles from the dream became a reality. I couldn’t help but think that this was a message from God – the universe was speaking to me and giving me its blessing.

You can find these paintings in the Emotional Reflections collection.

I was trapped, and now I’ve reached my place. I will not apologize for my ‘self.’ I will not apologize for my creations. Whether you like it or not – it doesn’t matter to me, my paintings are me. They don’t beautify, they don’t hide. Every painting tells my story, my pain, my fears, my lies, my betrayals, my loves, my healing, and everything I’ve been through in a world that didn’t see me.

I’m here not as a painter, not as an artist – I’m here as “me!” If you don’t like it – fine. This is who I am, and it’s not going to change. My creativity belongs to me, and it doesn’t apologize for being.

I was in the ultra-Orthodox prison, and now I am free. My creativity is free, and this freedom to create is what saved me. And it could very well save the world.

Don’t stop dreaming – don’t stop creating!
No matter how hard it is, no matter how much humanity tries to hide you – you are your own creation! Let go of the walls, let go of the boundaries – your creativity belongs to you. If you have something inside of you, let it out! Don’t let humanity choke you. Each one of us can create our own path and stay true to ourselves.

My journey was not easy, but it was mine. I embrace it, and I will never, ever apologize for it!